Why Do People Stay In Abusive Relationships?
Domestic violence has been a major problem that the world faces. There is no gender and religion in domestic violence, as anyone can become a victim and anyone can become the abuser! Despite the awareness that people are pushing into the light about the issue, more and more people still become victims.
According to National Statistics, an average of 20 people per minute gets abused by their partners, and that statistics are in the U.S. alone. Women are more prone to becoming the victims, where 1 in 3 women becomes a victim, whereas 1 in 4 men are abused. No matter the gender, the mere thought of domestic violence is barbaric, and shouldn’t have a place in this world.
So why do people, despite being in an abusive relationship decide to stay? Here are some reasons that can possibly bring awareness to everyone.
They fear people’s judgment
Just like rape victims, people who receive violence from their partners fear of being judged by others. They fear that if they come out and speak out about their experience, people will refuse to believe them. A lot of survivors share this same narrative. Lines like “you were asking for it” or “it’s your fault because you chose to stay” are the common words people throw at them. Being beaten up or emotionally attacked is bad enough and they don’t want to add up to their trauma by hearing these ignorant comments. They decide to stay so they could protect themselves from the ridicule.
They have children
Being a parent gives more weight why people stay in abusive relationships. This is especially true for women who have no financial backup plan, whatsoever. They are afraid that if they get out, he or she might not be able to raise the children.
The notion of a mother or father complex is also one of the reasons why these parents try to rationalize. They fear that the child will turn out to be a social deviant without having both parents. Not minding the fact that a chaotic household can still leave an emotional trauma to the child.
Moment of clarity
The abusers have a way to trap their partner inside the relationship. There is actually a cycle of this abuse. First, the abuser throws a hissy fit to the partner, which leads to harming the other. The moment the other one tries to leave, the abusive partner then gets to his knee. He or she displays a feeling of remorse and give promises that the incident will never happen again. Because of commitment and love, the abused partner learns to forgive and will give another chance. And that’s when things will start to go dark again. This pattern is common to a toxic relationship, which is why the abused partner should know the word ‘enough’.
A partner who has no financial resources and has nowhere to go is more likely to stay in the relationship. They fear that leaving will only put them at risk. Money is a very important commodity to survive. Without it, people can end up in streets and be totally homeless. Despite the violence and trauma, being in a relationship that provides them shelter and food is a good enough security. Lucky, there are those people who have families that are willing to take them back on short notice. But what about the people who also came from abusive families? Either way, they’ll still get beaten up so might as well stay.
Non-profit and government organizations continue to give support and assistance to the domestic violence survivors who have nowhere to turn to.
All in the name of love
People who have been abused try to reason out that the action was because of love. This is most true for people who have overly jealous partners. They see this violence as a sign of concern and fear of losing them to other people. The line, “if he doesn’t love me, then, why was he affected when he saw me with another?” is the basic bargaining line of the abused. They see these tantrums as a sign of care and devotion. They also love their partners so much that leaving them is impossible. They’d rather bear the fists and rude words thrown at them than leading a life without love.
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