What To Do When Your Spouse Becomes More Like A Roommate
When you were dating, you probably wouldn’t think of slumping around in an old t-shirt and cargo shorts around your now-wife. Your life, you professed, would be nothing but excitement and adventure and you wouldn’t ever, ever turn into one of those couples that acted more like space-sharers than happily-married significant others. But, as a famed chaos theorist once said, life, uhh, finds a way.
The roommate phase of any relationship is very real. Life gets busy and many couples, caught in the rhythm of it, become passive participants in their marriage. This happens in particular when the relationship doesn’t feel new and exciting anymore. This is normal and simply requires the people in said relationships to make changes to snap out of it. When stagnancy becomes a permanent state, that is when issues occur. This could indicate the spark has completely gone out and the two of you are simply occupying the same space. In other words, the roommate phase is harmless until it’s not.
Marriage counseling is helpful in dealing with problems you and your spouse are experiencing in your marriage, especially when the two of you have gone through a tough time. There are a lot of different types of marriage counseling available, as well as different therapists you can choose to work with. The following are some helpful tips to save a marriage from disaster.
How can it be better?
One of the greatest joys of marriage is getting to experience passion and romantic connection. Start by doing as many daily routine things together as you can. Go to bed and get up together, if your life schedules allow for it. Hug each other every morning, look each other in the eyes and say “I love you.” Hold hands often while in the car, on the couch, walking, or while in bed. Call or text in the middle of the day to say that you love or miss each other. Communicate specifically what you love and respect about each other. Let every hello and goodbye you have with each other involve a hug, a kiss, and an “I love you.”
Men often need to connect physically to feel connected emotionally, so wives seek to intentionally pursue intimacy with their husbands. Your husband needs to know that you are into him, that you desire him. Find small ways to speak or show that you desire him romantically. Be suggestive and then follow through with him.
Whether it’s the division of household chores, childcare responsibilities or intimacy, every person has expectations for what they think they should be getting out of their marriage. If your expectations don’t align, couples do “mutual vision” homework. To do this, couples work separately to write down sentences for non-negotiables and desires. When writing your vision for your relationship, focus on different areas: romance, finances, communication, parenting, in-laws, leisure activities, and work.
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