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Learn The Love Languages for A More Effective Relationship

What is the universal language people speak? Some say it’s American English, while others say it’s Mandarin. The world is so culturally and geographically diverse that communication becomes a challenge. For most people traveling the world, the language barrier is one of the most difficult walls to break. That is why tech companies create translation devices that can bridge this barrier. But what about love? How do we bridge the barrier?

Gary Chapman is the author and the brain behind the successful love language

Love is a social force that comes from people. Naturally, love is also a diverse entity since it’s a product of diverse people. And just like the words that come from our mouth, love also has a language. Why? So that people can have a better understanding of what the other person is showing.

So, what is the love language and how did it come about?

The Five Love Languages of love is a book written by Gary Chapman that was published in 1995. Love language is how people express love and how they want to receive it. The book outlines five languages: acts of service, gift giving, quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation. According to the book, a person can have one primary and one secondary language. There are tests that will help us determine our love language. But before taking that test, let’s first examine each language one by one.

Acts of Service

This love language is shown by doing things for the other person. It can be cleaning the house, doing the grocery, cooking meals, or sitting the baby. It is important that these actions are done with positive attitude and by not keeping score of who did what. A person with this language will give service without being told and want also to reserve the same act from the other. For them, the action does speak louder than words.

Gift Giving

From the word itself, people with this language show their love by giving their partners gifts. For them, gift giving is a way of saying “I appreciate what you did for me” or “I love you”. They also want to be showered with gifts on their end since it’s how they give meaning to love.

The former celebrity couple, Kylie Jenner and Tyga are famous for their expensive gifts to one another

Gifts are not necessarily expensive, they can be anything as long as it comes with a thought.

Quality Time

People with this language show their love by dedicating a portion of their time to their loved ones. For them, spending time together is the most effective way of showing their love, that’s why they also want their partner to reciprocate the invested time. And by quality, we mean no work interruptions, no social media, nor calling other people.

They will not appreciate gifts or acts of service since their primary language is this. They will not care how they spend the time together, it can be watching movies or going trips together.

Physical Touch

These are the people who are very affectionate and intimate. They give hugs and kisses, and they want to be geographically close with their partners. Communicating their love is best expressed through these physical actions. The lack of receiving it from their partner may lead to relationship insecurity and jealousy.

Physical touch is an important component in marital relationships. Though this, they feel blanketed with love and secured with the relationship.

Words of Affirmation

Saying “I love you” can increase a couple’s security in the relationship

They are the relationship cheerleaders. They give verbal support and encouragement to their partners.  They know how each one of us needs to feel appreciated, that is why they say those words of appreciation directly. For them, actions are empty without words- contrary to people whose language is acts of service.


A man whose language is physical touch will give and want to receive it also from their partner. If his partner’s language is gift giving, she would probably not appreciate her partner’s physical touch. That is why it’s important to know each other’s language to effectively feel the love that exists in every relationship.

We are all different from one another and these differences can either bring or tear us down. Just like the language that we speak, love language must also be communicated properly. Through this, couples can appreciate their partner’s effort and not take it for granted.

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