Why Do Some Couples Get Back Together After a Devastating Breakup?

They say love is sweeter the second time around. If you’ve been in a devastating breakup, you find yourself picking up the pieces and putting them back together to make you whole again. You give time for your broken heart to heal before you’ll be ready to find love again.

While most people want to move on from their past relationship, some couples find themselves getting back together. Why do people keep holding on to their past and decide to give it another go? Does the phrase “love is sweeter the second time around” really true? The experts revealed there is a scientific reason behind this action.

The Right Mindset

According to the 2013 Kansas State University study, almost 50% of the couples reunite together after breaking up. The reason? It’s because both partners were having mixed feelings about breaking up in the first place. While it makes sense to avoid communicating from an old flame after a breakup, some people convince themselves a relationship can do better if they give it a second chance.

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Most couples decide to get back together in the hopes that their partner had changed for the better.

According to the experts, most couples assume they’re now more mature to handle a relationship and they’ve already learned their lessons from the past. They also hope they would be better at establishing communication and trust to make their new relationship survive. However, the recent research published the couple’s motivation to get back together might be more prosaic than stated in the 2013 study.

Why People Stay or Leave in a Relationship?

The researchers of the University of Utah in the United States, as well as the University of Toronto, conducted a series of studies and they questioned people about the reasons why they might want to stay or leave in their relationship. The most popular reasons why they want to stay in a relationship are the following:

1. Optimism (hoping their partner will change for the better)
2. Familial duties (holding on a relationship for the sake of kids, or building a happy family together)
3. Emotional investment (they love their partner so much they’re willing to endure in a relationship rather than deal with a devastating breakup.)
4. Fear of the Uncertainty

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Despite the negative feelings they have when their relationship turns rocky, 49% of those partners considering to leave are still hesitating to end their relationship officially.

Meanwhile, most people stated the following reasons as grounds for leaving or ending their relationship:

1. Emotional Distance
2. Breach of Trust (especially when the other partner lies)
3. General Incompatibility (the couples often get into arguments or fights).
4. Domestic Violence
5. Unfaithfulness or cheating (in which, an astounding 38% want to sever their relationship once they caught their partner cheating).

On Getting Back Together

The researchers point out the studies’ results align with their findings that about 50% of separated couples get reunited together. They also note that dealing with a breakup is often more difficult for the person who calls it quits since the doubt still lingers in his or her decision. This hesitation explains why many couples reconnect after a split. The author of Dangerous Relationships and psychologist Noelle Nelson, Ph.D., noted that as long as couples didn’t encounter serious issues like an abusive behavior in their relationship, they can still give another shot to make their relationship work.

They should be clear with their motives of rekindling their relationship. He also discourages everyone from getting back together just because you’re bored, lonely, or afraid you’ll never find someone else again. According to him, these are the perfect recipes for your relationship to fail.

Nelson says you need to have a valid reason to get back together and use your previous failed relationship as a learning experience. Double check yourself and make sure you get rid of those lingering feelings like dreading to stay single. If you still have these negative feelings, it’s better to address it first before re-entering a new relationship. Of course, Nelson said that something had to change to make your second relationship work. Otherwise, the same troubles and conflicts will re-emerge if you both fail to address the failures that lead to the breakup in the first place.