Dating After Divorce: How To Tell Your Date About You Love History
After a divorce has been finalized, a divorcee would usually want to meet new people and probably date whosoever they want. They may not necessarily be about getting married again, but majorly about finding intimacy, friendship, and companionship with someone of opposite sex. As a new divorcee, getting a guy to actually like you might pose a challenge. It might even be tougher to tell the new guy about the divorce without getting him scared.
There are risks surrounding dating after a divorce. It is thus necessary to understand the fact that in the absence of personal growth, a lot of people dating end up with extended hookups and not soulmates. Most of us are in agreement that breakups are hurtful and heartbreaks happen. In fact, a lot of people would never want to experience heartbreak again.
It is, however, unfortunate that a lot of people still function under the conception that they will not get hurt if they simply date and not marry the person. That is quite wrong. Dating with the aim of finding true love involves healing.
There are some things to bear in mind when you don’t want that guy to lose feelings after you tell him you are a divorcee
1. Be truthful
You should endeavor to share the truth with him. If you have been able to heal after the breakup, you do not necessarily have to let out the entire details. You shouldn’t be one who simply just whines and complains. Apply wisdom and some grace and that would help you earn his trust.
2. Do not trash-talk
If you are one who has the habit of trash-talking your former partner, the guy will most likely think you could be considering doing the same to him next. If the table turns and he is the one saying mean things about his ex as well as his kids, you should also be careful before you end up becoming the next on his list of women to hate.
3. Create friendship, companionship, and intimacy
A lot of times, people leave failed marriages with anger and resentment towards their ex-spouses. The anger is what they in turn transfer to other people they subsequently date. Do not just expect that you’ll find love if you are still an angry person trying to process the hurt.
Rather than dating, you should do more of socializing and then progressing from there so you can correct the idea you have about men or women. The world still has some kind and good people in it. However, until you feel you are worthy of kindness and love, you can’t feel so comfortable when you are around those kinds of people.
4. Assess your relationship
When dating someone new whom you really like, you might want to take a step backward for a little while. This period of the break should be used for some form on assessing. Are you already at a point where conversations about your former spouse do not get you bothered or make you hot? Have you been able to make peace with the lifestyle adjustment?
If you are unable to answer these questions relatively in the affirmative, then maybe you are not actually ready to find love again. There is no doubt that you can heal using a man, for instance, you can have intimate conversations and even learn to actually trust again. However, if you ever share how bothered you still feel about your ex, the new guy might get scared and think he’ll be unable to fill the void. As such, you still need to heal emotionally.
5. Do not expect to heal from the guy
There are times when men love certain women but these women still have some pain the men cannot heal. It gets to a lot of these guys. However, they need to remember that it isn’t up to them to heal the women’s pain. If as a woman, you still want to find that soulmate or partner, then you have to work on yourself for yourself and also for the man.
Do not consider using others from emotional growth which you are actually capable of achieving by yourself.
In essence, it is important that you don’t scare off your boyfriend when you tell him about your divorce. Messing things up may cause more heartbreak. Always remember that no other person can help you heal, it is up to you to take charge of your healing process.
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