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Love Hurts: Painful Reasons Not to Stay In Abusive Relationships

They say that if you love someone, you need to know everything about your partner and accept them for who they are. You must be at their side and support them for better or for worst. As a partner, you must be understanding enough to know that your partner could commit mistakes one way or another. Being in a relationship means that you are both half pieces of a whole. His weaknesses would be complemented by your strength and vice-versa. That’s how you know that you’re compatible with each other and you’re able to overcome any challenges you’ll have in the future. As long as you’re together, nothing can break the chains of your love. But how about if you’re in an abusive relationship?

We all know how painful it is to be in an abusive relationship. Yes, you love the person and despite all his flaws and physical abuse to you, you still chose to be with your partner. You love him or her enough to never let go and just keep on holding on. Deep in your heart, you’re convincing yourself that your partner didn’t really mean hurting you. You’ll wish that when they came back to their senses, they’ll apologize to you and you’ll be in love once again.

What’s wrong with this type of perception is that the love you have is slowly becoming a poison to you that destroys your mind, body, heart, and soul. It’s time for you to wake up and see the reality of your life. Love should never hurt you like that. Here are the painful signs and reasons why you should not stay in abusive relationships and just let go already.

Abuse is not just about physical harm.

When we heard the term “abusive relationship”, we often associate us with physical harm and abuse. While that may be true in most cases,  the truth is an abusive relationship not only refers to the physical aspect. We only had this misconception because most of the divorce cases we heard were caused by physical abuse. But the coverage of abusive relationship is broad. It also covers our mental, spiritual, and psychological aspect. Abuse means that you want to control the other person, stripping him of his freedom and will. This will eventually lead to abuse, threats, blackmails, and physical abuse. Here is a detailed graph of violence and power of controls that are both grounds and signs in having an abusive relationship.

Abuse May Change, Though Very Unlikely

abusweRemember the time where you’re wishing for your partner to have a change of heart? While nothing is impossible in this world, but the truth is, you shouldn’t get your hopes up. It’s because a study from National Domestic Violence shows that an abuser changing his ways proves to be a lifelong process. And most abusers are not willing to take that path. It’ll take a huge effort to change their ways. And if they did, well, they still need to undergo a vicious cycle. In which, we’ll be discussing in the next tip.   

“There’s a very low percentage of abusers who truly do change their ways.”

How to Know If They Changed

We all know how difficult it is for an abuser to change. But for some miracle he indeed changed, you’ll notice their symptoms like they no longer making excuses for the abusive behavior, recognizing the controlling patterns that underlie the abuse, making amends with those he abused, and most importantly exhibiting new behaviors when a situation becomes heated. Here are the four phases of the abuse cycle. In fact, you can even read an open letter from an anonymous abuse and see the horrors he’d have to face to fix his life.

If you’re abused, then you should seek help right now

cycleA lot of domestic violence victims refused to seek some help in fear that the society might see them as a weakling. When in fact, it’s not. For the record, we commend you for being strong enough to endure this long. But you don’t need to suffer anymore. It’s important for you to seek help immediately before it’s too late. There are domestic violence centers all around the country that help abused individuals for free. You can also contact the National Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for immediate and free help.

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